When Can I?

Helping your child on the path to independence

We watch with pride as our children grow and mature, but each step can feel like a kick in the gut for anxious parents. How can you foster independence while still making sure your child is safe?

It’s all about preparation, says Kelly Costello, M.D., pediatrician at Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. From toddlerhood through teens, a child’s progress toward autonomy depends on the circumstances and the child’s maturity. “As a parent, you have a responsibility to assess your child’s readiness and teach her how to handle various situations,” Costello says. “You also set the ground rules based on your comfort level. You don’t have to let your child do something just because other parents do.”

Physical and emotional maturity can vary greatly from child to child. Make sure your son or daughter has the physical strength for the task, exercises good judgment, doesn’t panic at problems and knows how to be safe among strangers.

“To earn privileges, children should prove they’re responsible,” says Costello’s colleague, child and adolescent psychiatrist John Campion, M.D. “With teens, look at whether they do their chores, work hard at school, are good citizens and respectful, and whether they can control their temper and impulses.” Here are guidelines for some common scenarios:

Mowing the lawn

Age 12 for push mower, 16 for riding mower. Requires strength and coordination to control mower, and judgment to handle terrain and speed.

• Use an auto-shutoff mower.
• Never allow passengers on mowers.
• Keep young children away from mowing area.

Biking or walking to a friend’s house

Age 8-9 if safe neighborhood with little traffic.

• Plan a safe route and tell your child not to wander or talk to strangers.
• Have him call when he arrives.
• Practice bike safety.

Holding down a job

Age 12 for babysitting, neighborhood chores. Pennsylvania requires work permits for children ages 14-18 (except for work at a farm or private home). Starting age is lower for caddies (12) and entertainers (7).

• Make sure they keep up with schoolwork.
• Make sure they understand the job.
• Teach personal and babysitter safety for jobs in someone’s home.

Going out with friends/dating

Age 13 in groups, 16 one-on-one. Child should be trustworthy and able to follow rules.

• Establish where they’re going, what they’re doing, with whom, and when they’ll be home.
• Meet friends or dates and their parents.
• Teach stranger awareness and date risks.
• Encourage public activities where adults are involved.
• Set times to check in (consider a cell phone).

Want to Know More? For more information on dating safety, lawnmowing guidelines or babysitter training, call 610-402-CARE. For tips on Teaching Stranger Safety click here.

Published from Healthy You Magazine, September-October 2007

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